Bedford Minuteman
Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Hanscom towns will one day become land of Nimbia

By John Wood

It began in 2003; the Minute Man National Historical Park was named a "Most Endangered Historical Place." It was a boost for the foes of Hanscom Field. No longer were they selfishly saying, "Not In My Back Yard."

But who expected the events of two years later? The selectmen of Bedford, Concord, Lexington and Lincoln had a revolutionary idea. Why not flaunt their power and take it to the logical conclusion? Residents of the four towns were invited to a special meeting. By overwhelming margin, voters decided to create a utopian community called Nimbia. Borders of the four towns merged and security checkpoints set up. Michael Dukakis was elected mayor of Nimbia. Seated in his simple office he has a blue sweater and tank helmet on the couch.

"Utopian communities tried and failed in the 19th century... they depended on subsistence agriculture so it was tough. We're the first high-tech utopia and it's working fine."

The destruction of Hanscom Field began immediately and five years later no sign remained. The runways were laboriously cut into building blocks for affordable housing. Ninety percent of the housing in Nimbia is "affordable."

"I'm a benevolent dictator but the big houses had to go. Concord had to be de-mansionized," said Dukakis. "By decree, no new house in Nimbia can be bigger that 1,500 square feet."

The National Park now owns 60 percent of Nimbia. President Clinton has directed her cabinet through Secretary Jackson to budget another $100 million toward this effort. Through all this, Air Force research activity in Nimbia has been carefully preserved.

"No one should confuse the Air Force and their former use of airplanes with what's going on in Massachusetts," said Clinton.

Property tax overrides are automatic in Nimbia. Budgets are increased by 5 percent to insure the government's goals are met. Nimbia's schools have one teacher and three administrators per pupil, a record in the United States.

Route 128 was a big problem as it split Nimbia in two. Negotiations with the state led to its being rerouted. This caused immense problems in Weston, Acton, Carlisle and Burlington. Relations with neighbors are strained but Nimbia residents feel eminent domain action was justified. Airliners traveling to and from Logan are sent by air traffic controllers around Nimbia's no-fly zone. There were close calls between airliners and shoulder-fired missiles but an investigation came up empty handed.

Needless to say, there are no FedEx deliveries in Nimbia. The package delivery company leaves them at Nimbia's main gate; the former Mobil/McDonalds stop where Route 128 used to be. The packages are picked up by horse drawn conveyance and delivered with care and sensitivity.

Nimbia has an unwritten dress code. Men wear three-cornered hats and knee-length wool pants. Women proudly display their big bonnets and billowy cotton dresses.

"We used to just wear this stuff on the Fourth of July, when Nimbia became independent," said Dukakis. "But now it's year round and the wool pants really itch when it gets hot and humid."

Few outsiders venture into Nimbia and business is conducted via Internet. This used to work well, but power outages are a problem. A voter referendum determined that no electricity produced by nuclear power could be used in Nimbia.

"It's really not a problem," said one resident. "When the wind stops blowing off Nantucket the lights go out. I back up files often and anything that takes us back to 1775 is good."

The big news in town is that the last Massport official has been found. Most escaped Hanscom Field via helicopter evacuation when Nimbia was formed. Some were rounded up when they got hungry and wandered out of the woods. A Henry David Thoreau re-enactor practicing as a surveyor discovered the last holdout - living bearded and thin on Pine Hill. He was brought before Nimbia's Tribunal where grand inquisitors decided his fate. He will spend the remainder of his life listening to recorded airplane noise.

It's a mid-summer evening in Nimbia. A few residents have slipped away for vacation. No one knows where they are going or how they will get there... hopefully by high-speed train. The sound of horse's hooves and the smell of kerosene lanterns are in the air. The former governor steps out of his office.

"You know this is only the first stage of our plan," offered Dukakis. "Being NIMBY is one thing... but there is more. BANANA stands for Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything. NOPE means Not On Planet Earth. Are you with me?"

John Wood was a Concord resident before Nimbia.

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